


child of the universe

by smokesque



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I'm so sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, for no apparent reason, i have a habit of killing off yama in everything i write, i'll return with something better i swear, it is a Problem, literally just angst and all that sad shit, there's a lot of space metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 11:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8012047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokesque/pseuds/smokesque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His hands are too cold when they cup your face,<br/>You reach out but he slips from your embrace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	child of the universe

**Author's Note:**

> i felt bad about the lack of haikyuu!! content on my ao3 so, here, have this crappy thing i wrote for an english assignment last semester while i attempt to finish at least one of the thirty or so unfinished works in my writing folder
> 
> (i wrote a sonnet to accompany this)  
> ((that is where the summary came from))  
> (((the sonnet was even worse than the fanfiction)))  
> ((((i got an a though so i'm not complaining))))

Tadashi’s breath is warm on the shell of Kei’s ear. It’s the only thing Kei hears; heavy breath in the absence of his usual chatter. Kei curls in on himself, pressing his palms to his eyes and fighting the urge to cry.

“What’s wrong, Tsukki?” Tadashi’s voice is louder than gunshot and shoots a bullet sized hole through Kei’s resolve.

“I don’t know,” he whispers in between the gaps where his hands don’t quite meet. His heartbeat is pouring rain against the umbrella of his chest and his pulse screams terror out of his wrist. He swallows three times but the anxiety still crawls up his throat and wraps around his tongue, tickles the roof of his mouth, hangs from his tonsils.

“Something’s happened. What happened?”

Tadashi doesn’t answer Kei’s question but the pads of his fingers tiptoe up Kei’s chest and rub circles over his heart. The tip of his nose is ice to the back of Kei’s neck but his lips smooth over the freezing skin and envelop Kei in blankets of comfort. The anxiety subsides and seeps through the palms of Kei’s unclenched fists.

He feels like he’s finally found his way home.

-

Kei slips out of his mother’s room while she’s still asleep with her foundation tucked under the sleeve of his jumper. He watches his reflection smooth over the marks across his neck, pale tips of his fingers rubbing away the purple bruises. He thinks of Tadashi – eleven years old and full of wide-eyed wonder – crying into the same mirror while the tan tips of his fingers rubbed away freckles on his cheeks. Kei grips the side of the sink to stop his hands from shaking at the thought of Tadashi’s freckles.

Constellations burnt into his skin.

Child of the universe.

The foundation topples to the tiled floor and Kei’s forehead thumps against the mirror. His breaths come ragged and raspy. His eyes pool with tears and his knuckles whiten to match the colour of the sink beneath his grip.

He misses a mark above his left collarbone.

Nobody asks.

-

Tadashi laughs like a sunrise and suddenly Kei’s world is plunged into light. He feels warm for the first time in days. He barely spares a grin in return, hiding behind the hand that adjusts his glasses, while Tadashi throws his arms out wide. He pulls Kei by the wrist and they spin in hazy circles until Kei starts to feel sick and Tadashi’s cheeks hurt from his grin. They spin and spin and spin until Tadashi is the only stationary thing in a world that blurs at the edges. Tadashi has always been the only object in full focus where the rest of Kei’s surroundings smudge together at the frame of his glasses.

Kei stumbles when Tadashi lets go and he feels his security slip away too. He fades into the clouds that always tug at the back of his mind. The sun doesn’t rise at the back of Kei’s mind and Tadashi doesn’t smile.

Kei feels focus spill from his fingertips.

-

Kei isn’t sure when he starts to remember but it comes back in pieces. It’s like watching his favourite documentary play backwards and stick on every rotation of the disc.

There’s a lot of black at first. Not like the black clouds at the back of his mind, but gentle shadows creeping through the cracks under his bedroom door. They form shapes at the foot of Kei’s bed and leer over him, familiar and foreign at the same time.

Himself. His mum. His brother. Friends from school. Tadashi’s mum. Kei searches frantically for Tadashi’s figure – clinging to his mother’s hand or smiling sunshine from behind Kei’s shoulder. His eyes flick over family members he’s met at Tadashi’s birthday dinners over the years but none of them comfort him with a cow lick of hair and sprinkling of freckles.

None of them spin on their own axis like planets.

The shadow of Kei has nothing to hide himself from the rest of the galaxy. Without a planet, the moon is an aimless rock, floating through space with nothing to rotate around. Without a planet, the moon has nowhere to call home.

Without Tadashi, Kei feels the same way.

-

Kei only remembers the phone call after Tadashi has gone home. Worksheets lie forgotten across the bedroom floor and Kei rubs his palms over the goosebumps Tadashi has left on his skin. He remembers with his hand clenching his phone, halfway through dialling Tadashi’s number. He doesn’t lift it to his ear but somehow he can hear Tadashi’s mum’s voice breaking down the line, words masked by a thick sob. He can’t make out what she’s saying but he knows the script by heart. He’s gone through it thirty times in his head.

How could he forget?

Kei builds up the courage to lift the phone. Tadashi’s mum isn’t on the other end. An automated voice tells him the number he dialled has been disconnected. The phone slips out of Kei’s grip and so does his consciousness.

-

When Kei wakes up, Tadashi is back in his arms. His breath is still warm on the shell of Kei’s ear. His fingers drip shadows across Kei’s alabaster skin as he raises them to cup Kei’s cheeks.

Kei squeezes impulsively, tugging Tadashi impossibly closer.

The sunshine smile fades into darkness and Kei’s arms collapse on the empty mattress. His ear feels cold. Tadashi disappears into a new galaxy.

Child of the universe.

Finally returned home.

**Author's Note:**

> scream at me on [tumblr](http://ailourophilic.tumblr.com/) and i'll probably yell back


End file.
